Society has us play gender roles in order for us to “fit in”. This leaves us where in order to be a female you have to be a girly girl and as a male it’s like you have to be excessively guyish aka emotionless.
There's a reason 70% of marriages fail in our world today. One of the reasons is because men in relationships typically are unable to consistently express their emotions and how they truly feel to their partner because of society's programming.
It's time to learn some empathy if you feel it's lacking in your relationship.Here are 3 things that will have your girl sending you quadruple texts, breakfast in bed and maybe even a back massage... if you can really execute!
1.) Talk it OUT even when its TOUGH:
With all of our fancy devices, couples still struggle with thorough communication in these days. And by thorough I mean that new understandings are developed and not just aimless quarreling with no resolutions.
One actionable way to improve communication in your relationship is by dedicating a time for the two of you to talk about how you truly feel toward one another. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a daily thing but even just ever so often can turn out to be very beneficial.
Not only will you be releasing any backed up emotions, but it will help you in showing your soft side and being vulnerable around her, she’ll love that.
In my relationship we tried it out every Friday night and it generated a really powerful bond between the two of us. Surprisingly we started arguing significantly less and most of our time together went to resolving any issues we already discussed and well, romance. That's right guys.
A few weeks into doing this every Friday I knew we were getting really close because she started walking into the bathroom even while I was taking a number 2. Maybe she’s a little more comfortable than I am or whatever, or maybe this is a part of me showing my soft side?
There’s a lot that goes into effective and thorough communication and many times it's even more difficult to do so when intense emotions arise, as they do during conflict. If you’ve realized this to be a struggle for you, as I have in the past, you should consider writing her a note or a letter after such conflicts.
I’ve found it to be a game changer to write my girlfriend a letter if things weren't jelling properly. So after an argument one time I decided to settle down and analyze the situation.
On the couch where I slept that night, I came to a few realizations about what happened in our dispute, they were; why the conflict started, where I went wrong, and the knowing that she doesn’t typically get over situations easily. With that information I knew if I kept up my old ways our troubled relationship would
have continued so I mustered up a neutral emotional state where I could meet her at with the letter and was the mature one.
My handwriting isn’t the best especially at times of high stress like this one, that and from the restless sleep I had on the couch. So I used the Text A Letter app on the app store to send a her a heartwarming letter.
I titled the letter “Views from the downstairs sofa” and even used the app to attach a selfie of me smiling holding a bowl of popcorn sitting on the sofa watching reruns of George Lopez on nick at night. The photo I uploaded on to Text A Letter was then artistically drawn onto the letter by a talented artist.
Through sending the letter I was able to explain the cause of our little spill out, where I went wrong(she’ll like that one), and how I would approach the situation next time. A major key was that I didn’t put any blame on her and through that maturity I displayed she ended up actually apologizing to me later.
2.) Showing her understanding and empathy:
If there’s one thing she wants, it’s to know that you understand and feel for what she goes through in life; the joys and the pains. I know fellas, it can be difficult to relate sometimes especially when she’s frustrated over something like the dog ruining her favorite tube of lipstick.
However times like this are when we can work on our empathic development by reacting properly with our actions and showing we care. I’m not saying you should jump up and run to the beauty store right
away but maybe telling her something empowering like “yeah babe, the lipstick was a cool addition, but your natural beauty is all that I need anyway.”
This response to her shows your maturity in a loving way because it you understood she wanted to achieve a certain look with the lipstick, it doesn’t matter in your eyes because she’s amazing with or without it. Listening with understanding and empathy allows you to respond in ways that will make her feel way better!
I’ve been able to grow in my empathic development as a boyfriend that shows more understanding by giving her my undivided attention when she needs help and when she’s explaining something to me.
Being receptive is an underrated component of being understanding and having empathy that will have her head over heels because it allows you to pick up on the subtle cues and gestures that are of high value to her. Has there ever been a time when you’re out with her and she’s seemingly agitated at you for no reason?
There’s a lot of distractions in the outside world especially at events or parties or whatever the case may be, most likely you didn’t pick up on a signal she was giving you. It’s kind of similar to a situation in which you put your hand out to greet someone and the other person doesn't realize it so you're kind of just left hanging there.
3). Gratitude and Appreciation
We’ve all heard the phrase “You don’t know what you got till it’s gone” but I think we could agree that when it comes to our girlfriends, it’s in our best of interest for her 1, not to be gone and 2, for her to know we are grateful for her while she’s HERE… right?
When we spend a lot of our time with her, it’s really easy for her amazing presence and time she's spending vise versa with us to go overlooked. Thankfully I didn’t have to really lose her to learn this lesson but when she studied abroad for a semester, a very similar feeling started settling in.
Through that experience I became way more grateful and made it a point of duty to express my gratefulness to my girlfriend. You don’t have to lose your girlfriend to an Australian schooling system to learn this either, just learn from my experience!
While she was away we were on face-time a lot, but I also set myself a daily cellphone reminder to send her a meaningful text message. The daily reminders definitely helped a lot because even on days when I was distracted with work or whatever, I still made it a point of duty to tell her about the different things I was missing out on while she wasn’t there.
When she finally came back the daily reminders were still on and after a week or two of her being back I realized that I was slowly slipping back into my old ways. Leaving the reminders on helped a lot with keeping on my toes and then sending texts transformed into showing her even more appreciation through my actions.
It wasn’t anything too serious but I was surprised at how much the little things mattered to her so much. She has a lucky stuffed animal that goes literally everywhere with her and one time she forgot it at home before a class presentation. I saw it on the kitchen counter when I was on my way out the house and dropped it off for her at class right before her presentation.
When she came out in the hallway to greet me she saw piggy, her stuffed animal and immediately exploded in excitement. Right before I was going to tell her I appreciate her so much and it was the least I could do she interrupted and said, “I’m so grateful for you and appreciate everything you do babe!”
I was so surprised, she took the words right out of my mouth. Fellas, what I've realized is that in your relationship if your actions embody a grateful and appreciative approach, not only will she be more likely to follow suit but you’ll also have her HEAD OVER HEALS. Expressing your love and emotions to her is very important guys!
Bonus: Support and Celebrate your partners good news
After our days of hard work and the successes start flowing in, it’s never as sweet when there’s no one to share the joy with. As partners, you guys have to not only be each others strongest support, but also the person thats there ready to celebrate with them at the finish line!
A lot of the time when we hit milestones that are really important to us in our personal lives, the congratulations we get from our peers aren’t the most enthusiastic. That’s totally fine though, everyone’s focusing on their own journey so we can’t really expect just everybody to be there for support on ours.
When it comes to your girl though, my brothers, you have to learn to be the shoulder she can lean on for support and the person she comes to when it's time to celebrate, even when you don’t really feel like it. I’m not saying to just inauthentically explode in happiness when something good is going for her, (though she would probably appreciate that too lol) but learn to genuinely feel good for her and accomplishments.
You guys chose each other as partners after all, so your individual successes represent the two of you as a couple anyways! Learning to express this supportive side of myself wasn’t easy to be honest. I remember one time she got a gold medal at her schools track meet and right after the race she face-timed me to break the good news.
I really was excited for her but for some odd reason the expression wasn't really there and I was kinda just like “that’s nice…” Instantly she responded with “Ok well I’m going to celebrate this with my teammates, I’ll call you later I guess.” then she hung up the phone.
This was when it hit me, the dialogue in my head went something like; my girlfriend just won first place in a competitive sport, and she took time out of her day to call me her boyfriend to celebrate with and all she got out of me was a “that’s nice…”, yea, I’ve got to do wayyy better.
After that terrible experience I knew I had to get out of my expressional comfort zone, so when I was around her I started taking massive action. It wasn’t easy, but to sum it up I was mainly just being aware of when she accomplished anything honorable and then made it a point of duty to fix my emotionless mood.
I realized that it wasn’t even too much about what I said and mainly just the energy that I brought when I expressed whatever it was I had to say. Thinking back if I had brought that energy when I told her the gold medal she won was nice, she probably would have stayed on the phone lol.
I know guys, sometimes expressing emotions to your girlfriend can be a little uncomfortable or whatever but letting go so that she is comfortable and knows the two of you are on the same page will speak volumes in your relationship!